This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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