alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
no you cant smoke seaweed
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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