haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
