I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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