ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
