would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That reminds me...we need to get swords
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
