Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
