Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
