Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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