forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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