I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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