Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
