is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
