Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
