Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
