That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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