3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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