I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
