Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
