I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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