Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
