You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
