I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
