please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize