New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
