and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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