Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
