i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm really busy with my period
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