Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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