It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
