Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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