32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
