Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
