You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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