you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
