3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
