we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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