apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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