The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
