Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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