you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
