fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
