I'm so fucking centered right now
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
