i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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