Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
