Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
