I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
