Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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