Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
