Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can you bring me the toilet please
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
