Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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