Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I touched a dick in church today
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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