Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
