and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
