Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
