Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
