all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
