Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
