The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
