i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
