why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
