I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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