At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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