so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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