Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
