K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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