Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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