he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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