Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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