I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
