I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
