I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
...so i touched it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
