he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
