How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
