She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
