dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
