Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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