i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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