i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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