I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Shame - the story of my life.
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