When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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