I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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