You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love you. Go after that dick
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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