you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
