Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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